Once upon a time I was a maitre d in a fancy restaurant, also called hostess.
I had to wear humble outfits to let the female guests shine, a humble servant of the new age restaurant’s not so androgynous angels and saints; they were all male. You can push the humble into a woman but… my soul’s a rebel so I sneaked it in; I wore sexy boots under formless night gown type goddess robes. My truth hidden I stomped the uneven pathways seating people in gloriously romantic nooks.
The boots told me I was still alive even when grumpy; I felt insulted by my fate. Who likes making mistakes that kick us off the throne of former success and onto the low step of the employee ladder? With 45?
At the hostess stand one night telling my helpers where to seat the waves of guests arriving between 7:30 and 8 pm, managing over-booking and missing tables, my holy hostess smiles caressed a new arrival.
“How are you doing down there?”
Freudian slip hello. The glitch evoked a sarcastic giggle later but at first it was like sticking a fork into a electrical outlet. This was so bad. The dizzying heights of 5.7 made me look down at a not so tall couple. The carefully denied craving of superiority of my upset ego successfully bitched through my facade. It was busy and loud enough that the couple didn’t quite hear what I said and my bright smile would always suggest just the friendliest words.
I got away with it but it sat with me.
Being on heels makes us feel tall and “on top” on many levels. Before we hopefully one day embody true confidence we might swagger the elevated diva with her snobby cool, the insecure girl who can’t live without physical elevation or the femme fatale knowing her sex appeal. Having to hide in my outfits and in words that weren’t mine my rebel couldn’t take it any longer. She reminded me to look at my reality with a Freudian slap.
I wore heels climbing over demanding building sites when I owned and ran a construction company in the 80’s, I wore cowgirl boots into intimidating lecture halls in the university and on my freelance journalist outings, I wore 6 inch goth boots to tell dates how independent I was and walked confidently into business meetings in sassy designer boots.
Boots are my power objects since I loved rain boots as a kid enabling me, “just a girl” to jump into puddles. Boot power was only rivaled by my purple Doc Martens in the 70’s.
Blue booties told me so; posting them on IG in the beginning of my fashion exploration two years ago. They were accompanied by a story of overcoming a predicament by being radically honest and a response flew in.
“You’re walking your truth,” it said, “blue is the color of the throat chakra, your true voice.”
It blew my mind as I had just published a poem ending in “I walk the streets naked,” meaning entering into life without a mask or pretense. It was a call to dig deeper, to feel my outfits; an invitation for them to talk to me and for me to listen. My boots were the first to make me understand outfit language.
Storytelling boots
The boots asked for this; a vinyl pencil skirt, the black wing back pack, a medieval design jacket with the “name of the rose” embroidered on it and my beloved; Oh Romeo. The outfits evoked a story spanning centuries.
“it was always you,” Logan says to Veronica in a Netflix show and my heart sighed. A beautiful man I had turned down a long time ago appeared in my mind; had it always been him? Is he close? Oh Romeo, I’m ready….
Rebel Boots
My love for boots including Che Guevara and Harley stompers was easy to understand, they are rebel gear, a merited and tiny cultural revenge for women being treated like possessions for centuries.
“Shoes have long been tokens of ownership and possession,” writes wedding historian Susan Waggoner about medieval times. “It became customary for a father to give one of his daughter’s shoes to the groom, an acknowledgment that the bargain had been fulfilled.” Worse, the Anglo-Saxons created the fun custom to strike the heel of his new wife’s shoe “to announce his new status over her.”
In this regard the weapon-like stiletto of a femme fatale also shines in a new woman power light.
Maverick wear
“If you confidently wear worn out shoes you’re a maverick,: say the psychologists. In addition to being more extroverted, their studies found that those who wear worn shoes tend to be emotionally stable. “They don't get bogged down by what others think about them. Needy people on the other side want our approval and perhaps their shiny, new shoes are one way they hope to get it.”
Extrovert colors and liberal sneakers
Psychologists continue that colorful shoes point to eccentric extroverts and inexpensive shoes, such as flip-flops and scuffed-up sneakers, give away a liberal-thinking wearer like Miley Cyrus who loves casual looking feet.
Goodie two shoes
Old but well-kept shoes belong to a conscientious type of person, sensible flats and comfy sneakers means the wearer is hard working, agreeable, even charitable.
Bad bad shoe!
Ankle boots supposedly point to an aggressive person and boring shoes reveal someone who is aloof and repressive.
STOP…..
This is partially right but seriously limited and born in yesterday’s mindset; when ankle boots become “aggressive” I see the patriarchate condemning women who march their spunk.
First I was annoyed then I laughed out loud. Who created these studies cruising the internet? Who are these psychologists?
My own studies are fresh and they tell us new stories. Empowered stories.
I like worn out, wear lightly used and shiny new. Does that make me a confused chick like a recently abandoned dog without direction? I have times of stable emotions AND explosive periods. I mind what others think AND dare to not be always liked. Sometimes I’m needy, sometimes I’m independent, I can be organized and creatively chaotic.
Shoes show our multi level feelings, personas and potential.
Expressive colors and patterns on our feet are even more powerful than dresses, as we literally walk our talk, our truth in them. There even is an accompanying noise. The clacking of cowgirl boots fortified with little metal plates on the soles or heels, the demanding click of high heels, the silent sneakiness of sneakers, the dancelike movement in soft flats are part of our expression.
Perhaps wearing those beige shoes with small heels means you aren’t boring but rather confidently Zen or you’re waiting for inspiration, as in my shoe’s a canvas, let’s paint it.
Stilettos are my challenge; I’m in between their potential to be a weapon on many levels and my feminist aversion against sexy hexy manipulation and shoe designers who seem to hate women as rarely can we walk in these without pain.
I rarely wore stilettos in the past. Slipping into not even remotely comfortable designers’ pairs “at my age” I felt my fear of the sexual power of my Scorpio’s femme fatale but also a new freedom. Over 60 one doesn’t have to worry to be confused with a men murdering sex kitten, not that this isn’t also worth a discussion, as in why the heck not?
That “don’t care” aspect of midlife feels like freedom to me at the moment; I can tell a hot guy that he looks amazing without wanting to impress him and I can wear heels as a confession to my self; I simply love how I look in them. When we’re unconditional, without an agenda, we become fearless.
It took me a whole new level of confidence to wear stilettos even when I just wear them for show. Wonderfully walk-able high heel booties I take with a kiss though and swagger my sex appeal. For me. For my avatar. For Instagram and empowerment in midlife.
High heels have evolved from being a sexy accessory of seduction to being my very own pleasure. And that’s what its all about; using whatever tool to be the art we truly are. I have ignored sensual desires for decades; who knows what slipping into stilettos awakens?
Fashion Theater for the Soul
A femme fatale never wear sneakers.
True for the “old days”. Today we have the sassiest designer sneakers; not quite fatal but attractive as they are funky and sassy cute. An evening robe with certain sneakers or rebel boots is sexy super power.
My aversion against most flats and flip flops stems from feeling that I walk like a duck. My mom never told me that life is like a box of chocolate but that I’d never be a woman as I’m walking like a tough male mechanic. Maybe that got stuck too but it’s the often serious and practical aspect of flats that doesn’t vibe with me right now; I have been grown up for two decades. When you see me wearing more of those you know that I came to balanced terms with my inner Virgo.
With Rita Barney IG/thejourneyscalling
With Isa Austen IG/IsaAusten
Barefoot freedom of convention and ego
On the other end of the spectrum is the freedom loving, convention ignoring barefoot hippie and the eccentric artist of life. I love barefoot strolls and would do them more often if men wouldn’t spit on streets…. I also love the letting go of our ego when required to put off our shoes at many temples, showing humbleness and respect to the divine - black nail polish aside.
Shoes aren’t simple, they are beautiful multi layered with symbolism in many directions.
They represent authority and power, but they can also represent humility and servitude. They can vibe snobby or relatable, sexy or androgynous, they kick butt or tip toe. It all depends on the context we find them in; our very personal context and feelings. Context transforms meaning; what was a symbol for repression can become a tool for empowerment.
Getting into what’s hidden in stilettos is my journey; can I still explore the meaning and mysteries of sexuality I never had really grasped? Can I ever get over my aversions against the patriachal mindset, it’s rules, judgments and repression?
Feel your shoes and let them talk you, maybe there’s a journey for you.
Try on different types of shoes and boots, take notes
How do you walk?
How does your body feel?
How do you feel?
Do you have flash backs of memories, judgments, opinions?
Which shoes do you hate? Why?
What type of shoe do you love? Why?
What type of shoes do you like on other women?
Is there a type of shoe your desire but don’t dare to wear?
Are your thoughts and feelings towards particular shoes truly yours or opinion of others?
Questions? I’m here:)
