Succession from Tomboy to edgy elegance
“Just let go of your past!”
“No. Don’t. Upcycle it.”
Responding to a life coach who proposed that we had to let go of our experiences and restart on a blank page, I felt massive resistance. Not only was “just” seriously misplaced in this context, who has ever let go of beliefs and stories with ease? but the throw away culture puts cleanliness above awareness. My motto; stop, breathe and let your outfits talk before they’re tossed or upcycled. The material world both provides an inspiring paradise of feelings and insights.
Stories of stuff
There are many ways to use the stories of our stuff productively. Letting my teenage tantrums dress me was one of the most enjoyable breakthroughs of my life.
Reinvention means soul searching, no matter what age. My most recent pivots happened after I went from motherhood to solo life and from throwing super busy events to the silence of being a writer again. What now?
On one of our meditative walks, my curious Tibetan terrier, secretly my guru, pulled me into Crossroads, a chain of pre-loved contemporary fast fashion and designer outfits often displayed in loft like settings. Surrounded by Millennials, creative fashionistas my son’s age, my hand slid over many different fabrics from eclectic chic to norm core. What did I have to loose? Ten minutes later I schlepped twenty pieces of sartorial mismatch to the dressing room, which are, since a year now, closed. My inner kid had entered the candy store. I let go of judgments. I played.
Time travel
A bib overall evoked the story of my mom throwing mine away when I was ten. “You’re just a girl,” she said, “behave and look like one.” Craving my parents’ acceptance I gave in to pink socks, cutesy dresses and curly hair. Kneeling on a hard bench in an ancient Catholic church in Sunday mass, I felt my anger. I didn’t want to kneel. Perhaps it dawned on me then that I would fight the patriarchal mindset one day. I knew for sure that I hated Shirley Temple.
Braving a few teenage tantrums only resulted in more loneliness and tears. Finally, in college, I ripped my clothes to shreds and safety-pinned them back together punk style. My parents freaked out. Good! I would never be a pink girly girl again. Every success in my life that followed was fueled by the desire to prove that I was as smart, tough and business savvy as a male.
At Crossroads I slipped into a tomboy sweater and pink faux leather pants, looking myself up and down with a sarcastic grin. After three decades of business woman and mom style, I would be a tomboy at 60, a modern boy who saw girls as his equals. A few weeks later we dressed the sexy power girl, even the pink princess. Childlike play without preconceived notions is like meditation, it gets us into different zones of understanding.
The voices of our past can help us delete the limiting voices of our present. Styling the roles we played or were not allowed to, reconnect us to pain and power.
In my rebel college times we created our wardrobe to make art not war. Decades later my outfits made me the ageless rebel, promoting to bravely wear what we feel; daily baby steps towards true confidence. My teenage type fashion tantrum, I’m 60 but 16! on Instagram ended in new friends, laughter and a career in fashion psychology.
Acknowledging and feeling our past enables us to find what is truly us, inside and out. For me it’s being both, wild and wise. I call it edgy elegance.
Insecure, bored or searching for your authentic style?
If you are insecure in your style, bored with your wardrobe, or actively looking for a sartorial vibe that connects you with your kind of people, find that innocent sense of adventure of your childhood. Dive into the rebellions of your teenage years; where do they guide you to? What did you dream of that can help you know to step into new boots?
Some women feel that “younger styles” don’t match their body shapes or status anymore. We don’t need mini skirts, naked bellies, fluffy tulle skirts or a $50,000 McQueen to dress our wild side, princess or diva. Accessories are waiting to make our points; the girly backpack, dramatic jewelry, punk boots, fringes at jackets, tulle at the bottom of skirts, a theatrical scarf, hats, gloves, socks in heels, patterned stockings, belts… they all talk loud enough.
Our inner children are unconditionally loving, curious and have an innocent sense of adventure. Our inner teenagers have a wild desire of wanting to own their voice. Uproars of “I can’t take this any longer”, meaning the situations we’re in, often include their warning that they can’t take us any longer. Us as in being so grown up, serious, stiff, full of learned judgments and fears. When we repress their feelings for too long, they don’t tell anymore but show us in all kinds of physical aches.
We might have color coordinated wardrobes making it easy to get ready. Nothing against practicability or comfort, but using color swatches to chose your outfits denies us the enlightenment of sartorial bliss. Bliss is found in feeling our outfits, opening up to the vibration of colors, the history of styles and the stories of fabrics. Outfits can guide you into long forgotten desires and fantasies.
The path to finding our true style goes through the dreams and tantrums of our younger years.