“Am I really HERE?”
“Is this really me?”
I hid a small hand mirror under my desk in school in case I needed to check on my existence. The girls in the class giggled. I was the weird one, a girl with an A in math glued to her mirror.
I was searching for more than the shiny reflections of my outside.
Mirror, mirror, who am I?
Three decades later I yelled at the amazing star studded night sky of Portugal’s Algarve,
“I do anything to know what my life is all about.”
The Universe answered manifold and repeated its messages many, many times until my tears wiped away the dust and I could see more of me, my past, my myth; more of the world.
And then the time was right. The Universe gave me WOMEN.
Shiny, polished or broken mirrors of a new kind.
“I’ve got your back.” said my life coach.
“Even when I am bad?”
I pushed her away, played upnoxious stubborn games like a kid testing her boundaries.
My female life coach said “I love you no matter what.”
It didn’t matter that I paid her, she knew what to say when. She didn’t have to stay. She “took it”, she let me act out in a safe space. She was the first person who said an unmistakably loud YES to ALL I was.
Her yes was an invitation to “see things differently” and to present my self; the woman I aspire to be and who I am right now. It is a brave and daily exercise to twist and turn out of our cocoons and dare to be real. Instagram became my playground where every smile helped.
I had always loved women’s beauty and for the last decade even without competition. Comparison sure but now I could separate “them and me”; the fear not to be good enough was my own.
The more I showed my truth in my outfits the more I felt the vibrations of others. I saw them and they saw me; their comments polished my soul more than my ego.
The most revealing was to open my eyes from my heart; meaning with real interest not for a like, a follow or a confirmation of my cute.
What I had proclaimed in my soul sister planner;
when you enter a room don’t do it with “look at me” but who are you?” changed my own life. I was present in conferences and meetings, open to see YOU. Magic happens when we’re real.
I saw my creativity shine in their appreciation. My trust lit up, authenticity sparkled; the dark shadows of my defenses crumbled and the im.age revealed a loving child, open and innocent. Shaking off fears and old beliefs I opened my arms to my reflections and the women who looked at me with a smile.
Not all smiles were pure; when agendas, wants and needs play a bigger role than truly meeting a person a relationship can turn painful. I was shocked, angry, sad and got migraines under the load of emotions.
“You hurt me.” I cried.
It was what I saw of myself that freaked me out. I had met my inner diva, a woman who manipulates, craves applause and pulls all available strings to receive it born from a little girl who never got what she wanted; to be seen and understood.
Mirror to the rescue; when I realized that my diva friend mirrored my fears and doubts, insecurities and judgments I accepted them as challenges and let her go. Thank you for the flowers, they were, like the evil queen shiny apple, poisoned.
To believe that we deserve the best can be empowering. It is fatal for our authentic truth when we expect to be treated like a queen and bitchy like a princess on a pea when it doesn’t happen.
The awareness that I had lived for years demanding to be loved and the resulting struggle to make it happen, the sudden that my ego had been a bitch
The concept of seeing ourselves in others can easily be misinterpreted and misunderstood. It doesn’t mean that we are as bad as the murderer we see on TV, that we want the husband to hit us, are narcissists or actually aspire to be broke.
What we see are our fears, beliefs, judgments as much as our dream, hopes and desires.
Our judgments are our prisons but can be our guides to freedom; what we think about others often has nothing to do with their reality but is a “truth” interpreted by the grid of our own beliefs. We assume intentions where there aren’t any.
The answer is to ask “What does this have to do with me?” “What do I really see?”
You and me we are messengers from our souls, supporting actors showing each us our deeper truth.
Prompts from the Soul Sister Journal
Truth and Dare
Be brave. Fess up. See yourself in the mirror of others.
Take off your personas like robes that don’t fit anymore.
Attract like-minded women, your soul sister tribe, when you walk your truth.
Don’t fear your Self, be radically honest.
Helpful questions to ask
What was my relationship to women in the past and what is it today?
How do I feel towards women and in women groups?
How would I like to feel?
What are my main reasons to connect with women?
- Develop my business to make more money
- To connect with opportunities
- Achieve a common goal
- Support and be supported
- Give and receive love
- Sell my products or services
- Joined partnerships
- Create a better world together
- Feel sisterhood
Create magic and rituals
- Connect to ancient knowing
- Women empowerment
- Feel that I belong
- Create a revolution
- Other
What do I love or hate in my women friends?
What do I judge? (Fear)
What do I love about them?
Who and what inspires and attracts me?
Who are my deeper connections on Facebook?
Who are my girls on Instagram?
What do they have in common?
What do I see of myself in them?
What can I learn from them?
How can I be of assistance to them?
What’s my unique contribution, my gift to them?
I see you. I love you. I wish you all the best.